Stop seeking approval

When we get a promotion, become engaged or are invited on a weekend away with friends, approval is an implicit part of why we enjoy that moment. But if you're so hooked on getting approval that you can't decided anything for yourself, your need for validation from others will erode your self-esteem and confidence.

Stop sugar-coating your opinions. Say what you think rather than saying things you don't mean just to avoid being disliked by others. Remind yourself that what someone else thinks of you has no bearing on who you are.

Don't fish for consensus from others by asking "Don't you think?" at the end of every sentence. Choose an outfit, video or desert without asking for guidance from anybody.

Value your assets

Asked what aspects of ourselves we'd like to change, most of us have no difficulty chronicling a list of short-falls. As a result, we often end up in a perpetual state of self-loathing caused by our negative self-talk.

Next time you find yourself thinking "I'm stupid", "I'm fat", or "I'm useless", counter your self-talk with something positive such as "I'm a king person", "I'm a great mother", or I have beautiful eyes!".

Accept compliments with a simple thanks, rather than dismissing them by saying something like "I only got the job because I was lucky". Don't encourage others to have a low opinion of you by putting yourself down in front of them.

Love your body

Are you frequently self-conscious about your appearance? Does dissatisfaction with certain body parts dominate your thoughts? It's a sobering fact that 95 percent of women think they look 25 person of women think they look 25 percent bigger than they actually are.

According to Dr Rita Freedman, in her book Body Love, if you "Try to look at your reflection through the eyes of an adoring companion or nurturing parent, you will be more likely to a appreciate your body as it is. It's not beauty but self-esteem which builds, body-love, so you need to set modest goals about your appearance.

"Exercise body love. Get rid of all the clothes you've been holding on to just in case you ever manage to lose those 10 kilos. Weigh yourself once a week so your body image stops going up or down daily according to minor shifts on the scales. Engage in a realistic exercise programme at least three times a week and target those body parts you're most dissatisfied with. When you're feeling really down on your looks, do your make-up, fix your hair and put on an outfit at makes you feel drop-dead gorgeous.

Examine the women around you, in the supermarket or at the office. Notice how they don't look like supermodels? Find something attractive in each woman's appearance, whether it be a nice pair of eyes, gorgeous hair or lovely legs. Then take time to look int he mirror to remind yourself of your own beauty spots.

Self-Love

Try to avoid comparisons. Just because the ladies you know look slim, beautiful and driving the Mercedes Benz or the latest Lexus doesn't mean their life is happy. It's a mistake to think everything would be better if only you were someone else. "This brings about a constant internal battle between our desires and our frustrations at not getting them" says Frank Faller in his best-selling book Re-Create Yourself. "but the open person knows that status is fragile, whereas human potential is limitless." In short, everyone has individual talents and you're no exception.

Write down a realistic wish-list of personal and life desires, which includes short-term, medium and long-range goals. Your list might say anything from "Get in shape" to "Go on holiday".Pick a few goals to focus on and divide them into sub-tasks. Under "getting in shape" you might write "jog for half an hour three times a week". Under "Go on holiday" you might suggest "dropping into a travel agent to pick up brochures".Make each goal as detailed and specific as you can and set time frames, so you feel motivated to get moving.Once you're on the way to fulfilling your own dreams, you'll no longer find yourself paling in comparison to everyone else.